i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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