Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize