I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My life is pants optional.
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