he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
