Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
