Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
