Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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