Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
