You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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