Cold hands, warm shart.
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
