singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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