Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize