Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
