I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
