none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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