Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
