I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
do herpes really smell.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
