he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
