The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
MIDGETS
????
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
