We are two peas in an std pod
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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