You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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