I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
