About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
