Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
