My underwear smells like fireworks.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
