there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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