the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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