you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
