shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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