I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
