I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
