I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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