Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
