We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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