Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
