Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
