I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
