i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
