I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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