tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize