there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
