After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
