I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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