I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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