Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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