just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
