Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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