you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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