how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
tequila makes me forget i have legs
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
