Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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