you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
