I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
