Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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