im six kinds of drunk right now
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
