her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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