What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
