I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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