I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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