You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
