why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Randomize
