Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
