Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
