i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
