Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
