don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
